It has been pointed out that in vanilla life and slave I am not an open book. No one individual knows me they know what I allow then to know. I will not delve into why here but instead question if a slave really needs to be an open book about all things.
Yes the slave needs tobe open about health issues and any issues that might affect his use by the dominant. Do they have to know my thoughts on Afghanistan do they need to know why I am for or against the death penalty. As a slave what I think is unimportant to the dominant is it not? The slave is supposed to be there for the dominant’s pleasure and needs not to listen to a dissertation on human rights. Now some like this openness and embrace it but I am not sure about it. The control or power given over by this knowledge would prey upon me I feel. Knowing my exhibitionistic tendencies and love of humiliation there might be too much ammunition in my inner self.
So as I did my usual time naked in the garage naked with my clamps on I wondered if my being naked is not a wish to truly expose my inner self or the wish to have some one force it from me. It could be a wish to find a dominant walking down the street or some one who sill do that for me. So that I can say it was not my fault they made me. Being in the cold garage is it that I wish to keep my slavery with out emotions or am I scared to admit what I like showing emotion of joy of things that are apprehensible to most? To some the idea of being a slave after they have known me as Cloud it is not possible that the slave side of me is the dominant one of my switch personality? Is Cloud just the persona that has all the desires and traits that I seek in a dominant? Do I revert to Cloud when I am frustrated by not getting what I want in a dominant? Should I close Cloud down to fully be able to explore my slave desires?
I now know that my health is really not and issue with the type of physical activities I can no longer use that as an excuse for me not to be a slave. I also know the two time I was the happiest you could say were times I was owned. Those times. were those times where I was allowing my emotions to open up? Times when I used what Cloud did as reasons not to continue because the owners did not act like Cloud?
I seemed to have generated more questions and few answers but hell it was fun in the garage today looking down the street for a dominant hmmm wonder when the next slave auction is?
drakor at his best
I know one is enough I prefer using two hands thank you
1 comment:
No one is ever the same as our own inner voices. In your case, you are an excellent Dom. In the cold privacy of your garage, you imagine all things "CLoud", or a master LIKE him, would do to you. Trouble is, very few people have your experience, and fewer know your innermost desires and fears.
I'm sure each of your friends and acquaintances has their own opinion of why you do not allow many people to know you intimately. But, from my limited experience, I offer this:
As a sub, I've noticed that I have a need to be understood. So I inform my Lord constantly about my life, my state of mind, wicked thoughts, etc. To keep Him informed, to give him, in your words, all the "ammunition" he might need to use on me at a time of his choosing.
This is why I still name you CLoud, and still reserve for you the respect due to a true Dominant. You shroud yourself in mystery precisely because when it comes right down to it, you remain in control.
No "ammo" for wannabes or imperfect doms to use against you.
I seriously doubt anyone could ever truly "master" you. I hope you do not find that idea offensive - this is simply my opinion.
Finding the right dom or sub is a great challenge - much more complex than simply finding a mate! There are so many ways in which a dom or a sub can disappoint us!
That is why our imaginations will always win out over reality. A human being always has limitations. For example, a dom may do everything right, but have a squeaky voice you find funny. Things beyond our control.
But our imaginations know no limits.
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