Too much time to think radom thoughts

Subs and slaves must be some of the best story tellers our imaginations can run wild at times. all because when we are left alone to think it means trouble and trouble makes the best stories.

I am sitting here wearing purple panties. Why , because I would be more embarrassed being caught in panties then naked.They are uncomfortable yet I wear them often now a days. I used to think guys that wore women underwear were a little strange but I see now the humiliation that I feel is some thing I like. I in no way look like a women nor do I have aspiration in doing so. I want to look like a man in woman's panties.

In my youth I had fantasies of being naked in the school yard but undress in front of my classmates to change into gym shorts never. I would wear them under my pants till I got home. I never could stand making mistakes it was embarrassing to me. My mother once suggested I dress as a girl for Halloween. I was young and started to cry about the idea of being seen as a girl in public. In high School I did not talk much for fear of saying something wrong. I would only play sports I was superior at I did not like the embarrassment of loosing I had to be the best top grade No one dared hit me because of my size and attitude.

Now I am looking for humiliation , being told I did things wrong and most definitely being spanked. I had control yet now I do not want it I want to be pushed around , bullied and made fun of. I have seen this running through all my stories that I write . All have these threads in them and being used by men yuck yet that is there also. Being naked in front of people I have sort of gotten use to but having to be naked outside even with no possibility of being seen I have a hard time with.


SO conclusions I have come to that wish for slavery is not being a slave but the embarrassment of it. Of giving away control to some one else. Having to serve some one that is my peer as something much less in stature causes me embarrassment. The possibility of a vanilla friend discovering me totally humiliating. Being black mailed into service is embarrassing. Being spanked or whipped causes me more embarrassment then pain .


Just too much time to think I think. It will be nice when I have found a cold bully. Some one that can give the humiliation yet I do not know if it will feel the same way as when friends have done it . I can stand naked in a club with my lifestyle friends but stand naked in a school yard with my high school buddies seeing all my imperfections I do not know if I could handle that.

Now off to look for that bully ,oh yes that is right they are called Dominants now!