Leaving things alone

I have always been one to leave things alone. I used not to revisit decisions nor tried to find out about old friends long since disappeared from my circle. It must be age or my last birthday I do not know what possessed me to do but i did. Yes I visited that site with the listings of high schools and students.

I took a stroll down memory lane. Checked out old girlfriends wondered about those gone missing. Whoa i liked the girlfriends but I hated High school. The teachers were lethargic at best. Their culture based on a ancient form of religion not one free thinker in the group. My male friend were of loosely formed groups based on activities. Sports groups , going out grounds and friends. Oh and yes bullies of both sexes.

Yes i was a mix back then also I bullied and was bullied. My friends were not really friends but competitors we relished on getting one up on another. Going out revolved around where the girls were or where we could get in trouble . Wow true friends eep conversation never really occurred except when they had to use vocabulary to communicate with that had sentence structure.

SO what is this nostalgic thing where every feigns how much fun they had. I was off in war protests , label a strange one by students and teachers, ostracized for my thoughts on religions So my last year was spent in fights or in the principals office for cutting classes.I felt awkward about my feelings and outcast. No part of my last year was fun except for my girlfriends.

So why do I go back, to relive memories of waking up in a park seeing the sunrise and my clothes scattered about the football field by my friends or is it the time I was spanked by the girlfriend of a bully . The only reason you should re-visit things is because you gain enjoyment from doing so. I will revisit the memories as they are cloudy now and I remember them as I wish not as they actually were much better that way I feel as for the girl friends , well Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the affects of the years well perhaps they look best as High School girls rather than the women of today. As for gaining the same feeling once again well the humiliation and pain I receive at the hands of a Dominant is far more enjoyable then the living though a real day in highschool.

A small rant .