Trust and honesty

Funny that these words should have absolute values. They should be black and white yet they never have been i have in the past i have had several honesties all degrees of the truth. i never lied i did not distort i merely answer the question. i would have to say that most get one or two questions but do not know how to follow them up show they get the truth they asked for.

Two reasons for this knowledge is power but only good knowledge gives true power. i have always felt that good knowledge should be earned not offered up or given away unless you get something great in return for it. I have done this in business and family life and with friends and have had success in doing so. To show the degree i took it my youngest son who turned 21 this year just found out through a slip of my tongue that i was in the monastery training for priesthood. Why because i have been burnt by friends , family and those in authority.

My friends that have become my owners know perhaps 15% of what i think about they know me as Cloud and drakor but they do not know of either deep down nor my history. They are really good friends to me and excellent owners but trust i keep stumbling over not for the chance of injury but because of fear of trust. What am i supposed to do open up there is no reason not to trust them fully and i do but i do not know how to show it or what to do. Well my tongue runs down my throat and hides in my anus . i have for so long been guarded that i feel i do not even know when i am doing it. i look at things and think wow i have opened up only to read them again and find the traps i set for those i do not trust.

Miss and i have had long conversations on several things and she knows that i teased and prodded Dominants to take action. i might as well of stuck out my tongue or shake my ass at them saying you can't touch this. In the old days i would have said i wish i had a key to give them to unlock me i guess a better word now a days would be a password. Unfortunately i do not have one if i did i lost years ago. i think this process is going to be long and painful for me