So why?

I was thinking of going to a play party today. Friends of mine are going but except for that i do not know why I want to go. I am still recovering from an operation, The  knee i hurt before the operation is  still out and I am  not walk up stairs normally, both my hands still have tremors every now and then so i have to wear a wrist brace. I am not happy with my foot which is still healing from damage in the summer. The mood i am in i feel more like a angry dominant then a slave.It is not the mind set i want to be in but i am. SO why do I want to go to this thing?

No matter how many times i say well i am getting too old for this or not in shape for this I am drawn back like a moth to the flame. Perhaps it is time to switch back or perhaps not.Perhaps it will serve as an excursion as to who is out there  perhaps it will be another search in frustration.

I do not know why but i have had much better success in finding slaves to dominate then finding a dominant. Perhaps that should tell me something. Perhaps it might just be nice to see my friends and have an afternoon out .