funny what brings it on

Words , sounds , visual they all do for me. I am trying most desperately to suppress my desires.I was watching a video last night when a young lady is bent over a stool that started it I wanted to take er place and prop my ass up for the Domme with the paddle. When that lovely noise of wood and flesh meet rang out I drifted away to a time of suffering , pain and pleasure.

I do not know if I am getting old and do not have the self control I once did or if trying to repress my feelings are bringing them closer to the top getting ready to boil over.

The mentoring of a Domme might have some thing to do with it but I do not really think so when I am with her I am Dominant I think more that I am off to Ottawa at months end . There at a party will be a few Dominants that I have played with or seen me as a slave . There are also a few I would have loved to played with . The E.D. and size of my equipment the distance along with my marital status has made me feel in adequate to offer my service . Feeling humiliated in front of a Dominants is one thing as they play and toy with you but the humiliation of constant rejection the wallflower of the slave world has not only forced me from the public scene but given me the idea that I was no good at slavery as no one wished what I offered. Those that showed interest did not know how to proceed. Perhaps I was too much of a friend for then to be evil enough I do not know.


So walking through a hardware store watching tv listening to radio all can bring me back to the want of slavery.

If ther is a hell for slaves this is it.