The struggle is back

The problem with sabbatical is they are long when what you are trying to give up does not go away. Such a different feeling being a switch and experiencing both sides of this lifestyle. So what is the problem it is part a health issue and part a Domme issue. Medical advise is to do what I can and stop doing what I cannot very easy instructions for me. I can stand and get whipped or spanked with some ease and great enjoyment. I cannot leave my head lower than my shoulders for very long. I can serve but I have difficulty in getting in and out of dark areas and up and down quickly and sometimes I loose my balance (I wobble a bit). Dommes tend to stay away and I think this is part of the problem the other part is that I am married to a women that is a dove , she knows of what type of activities I am into but she wants nothing to do with it or knowledge of what exactly I do. It sort of cuts down on time that I can give to a Domme and what I can do for them.

A last part is disappointment that I have had in play. Safety is important but I feel many put too much time into being safe they forget that some danger and definitely physical pain is at the bases of the enjoyment for me. If a person makes some noise it must be part of the experience not mean always to stop play or slow it down it can mean that the sub is getting lost in their own space. We all know words that can make play stop and I would use them to change a session but I can and do use them to get what I want. If I do not like a toy being used I will use grunts and body language to have the Domme change it, perhaps quicker that she would like to. I believe that a good Domme has to know the sub she is playing with and their tendencies and must take control, an odd thing to say about Dommes, and watch out for the pitfalls that this sub uses.

My opinion that I have formed on this self imposed time off is that I will not find a Domme that can give me what I look for because of restraints put on her by my situation. Pity if I cannot have my cake and eat it too but then what is the use of having cake. So I will try to be the Dom that I have always wanted for others and gain my enjoyment through that and so far it has been fun with pup and ling. However should a Domme want to try and change this opinion well bare ass me again I would enjoy the experience even if she does not live up to my expectations it would be fun. You never know I might be wrong, imagine that me wrong, and find the perfect Domme living next door to me tomorrow.